


Dream Team Babysitting Service (Babysitters AU)

by OrigamiArtist



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Babysitting, Bad and Skeppy have a long distance friendship, Boys Being Boys, Dream team shennanigans, High School, No Romance, No Smut, Philza dad, Sleepybois kids, babysitting au, bad and skeppy are also in high school, elementary age wilbur, everyone friendly flirts like they do on streams but other than that..., high school age dream george sapnap, hints of dreamnotfound - Freeform, hints of karlnap, hints of skephalo, kindergarten techno, skeppy goes to a different school, toddler age tommy, wholesome moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27747562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrigamiArtist/pseuds/OrigamiArtist
Summary: The Dream Team needs money. What is one way you can get money as a teenager? Babysitting! How hard can it be? The answer is very hard, sorry for spoilers.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Jschlatt, Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs, Clay | Dream & Darryl Noveschosch, Clay | Dream & Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF) & Everyone, Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, GeorgeNotFound & Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs & Everyone, Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 68
Kudos: 329





	1. sapnap's idea

“Dream, wait up!”

Dream stopped walking and turned to see his friend Sapnap running towards him. It was a cool and windy autumn morning and Dream was walking to school. When Sapnap caught up with him, they continued walking on the sidewalk toward the school building.

“Hey Sapnap, whats up?” Dream asked his friend, who was catching his breath from running. Sapnap looked up and smiled at Dream. Leaves blew on the wind past his face.

“I have a great idea,” Sapnap began, jumping over the cracks on the sidewalk, “So, you know how there’s that new gaming console coming out?” 

“Yeah?” Dream knew about it of course. It was all anyone was talking about at school. Apparently it was state of the art technology and could run so many games. However, it was super expensive, around $500, and Dream could only dream of having it (aha). Dream, Sapnap, and his other friend George could hardly afford a snack from the vending machine at school, much less the new console. 

“Well, we’re broke as shit,” Sapnap said matter of factly, jumping over another crack in the sidewalk, “So we need money in order to get it!”

“Uh huh… yeah that is usually how that works,” Dream laughed, wondering where this was going. Sapnap always had...interesting...ideas. One time he had the idea to make money at school by selling homework answers. He got in trouble with the teachers and with the students since all the answers were wrong. Bad was very disappointed in him and it broke Sapnap’s heart. He was depressed for a week.

“So,” Sapnap snapped Dream back to the present, “I got this idea from my mom. What if we started a babysitting service together-” Sapnap tripped while trying to jump over another crack and Dream grabbed him by the arm and righted him. “Thanks,” Sapnap acknowledged it and brushed off his black sweatshirt for dramatic effect. 

Dream cackled, “A babysitting service? What are we, teenage girls?” Sapnap frowned.

“Don't be sexist, Dream,” Sapnap retorted, “Any person can sit on a baby,” Dream wheezed and Sapnap hit his arm, “Don’t be an ass! It’s a good idea! We even have a first job already set up. A neighbor down the street is looking for a babysitter and if we have you, me, and George, then it’s even better since he has multiple kids. He works a lot so he’s an easy job!”

“I don’t know, Sapnap,” Dream began, “I don’t know how to take care of kids…” Dream had a couple younger siblings he watched, but those were his siblings and it was different. Plus they weren’t so little he had to watch them the whole time.

“We can ask Bad,” Sapnap said, continuing on the path, making sure to avoid any cracks, “He volunteered at that daycare last summer so he probably knows a few things.”

“Then why don’t you ask Bad to do it with you?” Dream asked, though, he already knew the answer.

“Are you kidding me?” Sapnap rolled his eyes, “The man is loaded from ‘Skeppy’,” Sapnap coughed, “His sugar daddy,” Dream shoved Sapnap, causing the boy to have to flail his arms about to keep his balance.

“Sapnap!” Dream cried, his eyes wide, “Don’t say shit like that! I’m sure Skeppy is...real…” he trailed off. Sapnap regained his balance, skipped over another sidewalk crack, and scoffed.

“Yeah yeah. Man suddenly gets $50,000 in one night and you expect me to believe it came from his friend from another school and NOT through sketchy means…” Sapnap shrugged, “But whatever, I’m not judging him. If I could get someone to give me money because I’m pretty then I would too,” He struck a pose and Dream rolled his eyes.

“I think you’re very beautiful, Sapnap,” Dream stated, handing Sapnap a quarter he found in his pocket. Sapnap swatted his hand away.

“I don’t need your pity money,” Sapnap spat. As they came to the school building, they were greeted by the ding ding of a bicycle bell. George cycled toward them and stopped, placing one foot on the sidewalk.

“Hi guys,” George said, Sapnap ran up and hugged him.

“George, do I have a business opportunity for you!” Sapnap poked George’s chest and George laughed.

“Business?” He smirked, “Dream what’s he on about?”

“He wants to start a babysitter’s club,” Dream laughed. Sapnap stomped his foot.

“It’s a business!” Sapnap insisted, while George laughed, “We need money, it’s a good idea, and I already have a job in mind!”

“I don’t know how to take care of kids,” George stated.

“Neither do I,” Dream added.

“Oh come on!!” Sapnap cried, “It’s a good idea!!”

“I dunno Sapnap…” Dream trailed off. Sapnap huffed.

“Whatever, I’ll convince you. Let’s just go to class,” Sapnap began racing towards the school building doors he looked behind his shoulder, “You stepped on a crack by the way George!”

“Aw what?” George lifted his foot to reveal he was, in fact, standing on a crack.

“Aww George, your poor mother!” Dream cried in dismay, George rolled his eyes.

“He’s so stupid,” George said, walking toward the entrance with his bike, digging in his pocket for his bike chain, “‘Step on a crack and break your mom’s back’, what are we, four?”

“Just say you hate your mother and leave,” Dream smiled, George punched him in the arm.

“Not you too Dream,” George laughed, “I’d expect it from Sapnap, not you,” They stopped at the bike rack where George began to lock up his bike. He finished and stood up, “Maybe Sapnap has a good idea on that babysitting thing.” He looked up, “We could afford the new console if we do it enough!”

“That’s what he said,” Dream began, “but I don’t know about looking after kids,” They reached the doors of the school and walked inside. They were now in the crowded hallway where kids were at lockers and hanging out near water fountains. “He’s not going to let it go though,” Dream laughed, “He seems really convinced.”

“He might get Bad to help,” George suggested, but Dream shook his head.

“He vetoed that” Dream reached his locker and began to put in his combination, “Says that Bad doesn't need the money.”

“He doesn't. You’re right,” George smirked, Dream glared at him.

“Don’t you start that, too,” Dream warned. Joking about it was okay, but not where people could overhear, “You know how upset he would be if people started rumors about him.”

“Of course,” George said quickly, “I know, I know, anyway,” he started to walk off towards his locker, “I’ll see you later in class, Dream!” 

Dream sighed and turned back to his locker, grabbing the books he needed for geometry first period. Sapnap’s idea was still in his mind. The more he thought about it, the more he warmed up to the idea. He was very broke and it would be good to have money and save up. He also needed to save money for a car. He used his mom’s car sometimes but she was at work a lot so he couldn’t use it as often. He closed his locker door and began walking to class. Maybe they can talk more about his idea later.

Dream sat down at the table next to George, setting down his tray of cold pizza and milk, truly a cursed combination. It was lunch and he was at the usual table by the window with Bad, Sapnap, and George. Bad was bent over the notebook Sapnap was writing in, sipping on a juice box.  
“What are we doing?” Dream asked, Bad looked up.

“Sapnap told me about his idea for your guys’s babysitting thing! I think it’s really cool!” Bad smiled, “Right now we’re helping Sapnap with the details.”

“We’re actually doing that?” Dream asked, poking the paper straw into his milk carton, “I never said I would do it.”

“Well, George agreed to help me,” Sapnap said accusingly, looking up from his notebook, “And Bad said it’s a good idea. He never likes my ideas,” 

“That’s right, I don’t” Bad set down the juice box and crossed his arms, “Because they usually involve scams, but this isn’t a scam, it’s a legitimate business idea which will not only help people who need childcare but also teach you about economics in the real world.”

“Okay Dad,” Sapnap rolled his eyes, “I just want money I don’t need your smart AP kid description bullshit,”

“Language!” Bad swatted Sapnap’s arm, “And it’s true! This is a good opportunity for you guys! You can learn a lot!”

“Whatever,” Dream laughed, grabbing his pizza and picking at the soggy pepperoni, “I don’t know why you want to watch some brats for a few dollars.”

“Aw Dream, that’s not nice,” Bad frowned, “I’m sure you’ll watch wonderful children!”

“I don’t know,” George said, playing with the straw in his milk carton, “Dream has a point, kids are terrible.”

“I don’t think so,” Bad pointed out, Sapnap shrugged his shoulders.

“That’s because you have a disney princess magic charm that makes children not scream when you’re near them,” Sapnap circled something on his paper, “Anyway, it’s not ‘for a few dollars’ We would be getting $15 an hour per kid!”  
“That’s not a lot,” Dream frowned.

“It’s more than minimum wage at McDonalds,” Sapnap argued, “Even divided among the three of us, people usually have more than one kid.”

“Just give it a shot, Dream,” George insisted, tugging at Dream’s green sweatshirt, which to him looked like yellow, “The worst thing you can do is make money.”

“Fine!” Dream threw up his hands in defeat, “I’ll join Sapnap’s babysitting club!”

“It’s not a babysitting club!” Sapnap retorted, “Anyway, yay!! Dream joined!” He punched the air in celebration, “Are you sure you don’t want to join, Bad?”

“I’m sure,” Bad munched on the cafeteria pizza, “I have AP tests to study for and previous volunteer commitments. Besides, I don’t need the money,” George and Sapnap exchanged a look. Dream glared at them and they each turned their attention to their pizza. “I can help you in other ways though!” Bad looked up suddenly, “I can give you advice since I volunteered at that daycare! Oh, I also know CPR. I can teach you!”

“Okay Bad,” Dream smiled at his friend, “Thank you for your advice and… uh…. CPR,” 

“You never know with children,” Bad said shaking his head, “You probably won’t have to use it but it’s better just in case.” 

“Well maybe this weekend you can give us Kid 101,” George laughed, Dream smirked at his friend’s joke, “What do we call our new babysitting business?” 

“Dream team babysitting business!” Sapnap announced, waving his hand through the air.

“Why are you naming it after me?” Dream gawked.

“It’s not named after you persay, but it’s just a cool name for our group. The Dream Team! Like we’re the best!” Sapnap grinned. Dream chuckled.

“Okay Sapnap,” he laughed, “Dream Team babysitting... “ 

“What are you doing!?”

Dream was kneeling over George, who was lying on the floor, pretending to be in need of CPR. Sapnap was laughing, and Bad next to him had his eyes covered, face red. They were at Sapnap’s house and in his basement room. It was finished and had a couch against the wall which faced the TV on the other side of the room. They pushed the coffee table out of the way to make room for their practice. 

“What do you mean?” Dream’s face flushed, “I’m practicing CPR like you wanted!”

“Y-you don't kneel over the person like that!” Bad shook his head,hands still over his face and sighed, “Sapnap, get on the floor…”

“Oh Bad!” Sapnap put his hand over his heart, “In front of Dream and George, are you sure?”

“OH MY GOODNESS CAN I JUST TEACH YOU ALL CPR??” Bad screeched, stamping his foot. Sapnap giggled as he lay down. Bad kneeled next to him and put his hands on his chest. “You kneel next to them,”

“Oh,” Dream said, still kneeling over George, who was cackling. Dream began to get off of George before George grabbed onto his sweatshirt.

“Oh Dream~” George called, “Don’t you want to do some CPR?” he winked. Dream covered his face with his hands and started wheezing.

“Oh my god, George,” Dream cackled nervously, “let me get up or I’ll let you die,” George gasped and let go of Dream. He got up and positioned himself next to George, who was back to pretending to be in need of CPR. He was dramatic like that. Dream put his hands on his chest and began lightly pushing down. Not hard enough for actual CPR, but because it was practice it was fine.

“That’s great, Dream!” Bad encouraged him, “Remember it’s just practice. You would push harder in real life,” Sapnap snickered and Bad glared at him. “Uh, another part of CPR, in order to get the heart oxygen when they stop breathing, is where you cover their nose and breathe into their mouth.”

“I don’t think I get it, Bad,” Sapnap smirked,sitting up, “Will you demonstrate on me?” 

“SAPNAP!” Bad swatted his arm, “I’m trying to teach you a very important skill! You could save someone with this and you’re making me not want to teach you!” He crossed his arms and pouted.

“Sorry Bad,” George apologized, sitting up, “This is all just very homoerotic.”

“A little bit,” Bad admitted, “But it’s important!” 

Dream pushed George down lightly and covered his nose, leaning down to where his face was a few centimeters away from George’s. George looked at him, his eyes wide.

“Like this?” Dream asked Bad. Bad nodded.

“Yes, but tilt his head back a little bit,” Bad advised, “It allows for better air flow.”

Sapnap giggled, “Look at how red George is,” 

“I am not,” George protested, “Dream, I think you got it,”

“No hold on I’m trying to get it right,” Dream protested, tilting George’s head back slightly, his face still close.

“Yeah George,” Sapnap smirked, “He has to get it right!”

“Hey boys! I brought you a-” Sapnap’s mother stopped in the doorway at the sight of the two friends of her son on the floor, looking like they're about to make out, holding a plate of sliced apples. Sapnap whipped his head toward his mom, fear in his face. Dream and George sat up quickly, faces bright red.

“Mom!” Sapnap yelped, “This isn’t what it looks like I swear. Bad is teaching us CPR!” 

“CPR,” his mom repeated, placing the plate on the pushed coffee table. 

“Yes!” Sapnap looked to Bad, “Bad, tell her you were teaching us CPR.”

“I don’t know Sapnap…” Bad squinted at George, “This is all very homoerotic.” George dies inside.

“Bad, no, don't grow sassy now,” Sapnap pleaded.

Bad giggled, “Yeah I was teaching them CPR,” he relented, “It’s one of the things they need to know for their babysitting business, we’re just practicing on each other.”

“Okay,” Sapnap’s mother seemed relieved. Not because of the idea her son and his friends were gay, but because she would have been walking in on something she didn’t want to see, “I trust you, Bad. You’re a good kid,” she walked back to the door, “As I was saying, I brought you a snack! Apples! You boys have fun!”

“We will!” Bad called after her as she left, “Thank you Ms. Sapnap!” He turned to his friends, an evil look on his face. 

“That’s not fair,” Sapnap frowned, “Why does my own mother trust you and not me?”  
“Gee,” Bad rolled his eyes, “I can think of a couple reasons.”

“That was so embarrassing...” Dream laughed.

“It’s your fault!” George sputtered, “What were you doing??”

“Practicing CPR!” Dream said innocently. Under George’s glare, he cracked. “Trying to embarrass you,” he admitted.

“You suck, Dream,” George scoffed.

“Oh please,” Dream sniffed, “You were into it,”

“I was not!” George retorted.

“Hey!” Bad clapped his hands to get their attention, “Muffinheads! I’m teaching you, remember?”

“Yes dad,” They all chorused in unison. 

Ring!

Sapnap took out his cellphone from his pocket, “Sorry, let me take this.” He answered and put it up to his ear, “Sapnap at your service!” He was silent for a moment before jolting up and sitting cross legged. Bad jumped back at the sudden movement. “Yes this is the Dream Team babysitting service!”

George and Dream exchanged a wide eyed glance. Sapnap nodded and made agreed noises at the phone. Lots of “uh huh”s and “yes sir”s. Finally, after a while, he said, “Great, we’ll see you then!” and hung up.

“Guys!” Sapnap exclaimed, looking at his friends with excited eyes, “I just got us our first job this weekend with a man named Philza Minecraft!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Me and my friends were brainstorming fic cliches last night and I came up with the idea of this! I just really like the babysitting tropes so I decided to one with the Dream team! I hope you enjoy it!


	2. do we like children? maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time to start the babysitting business! On our way to Philza's house to meet the kids!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of love this got so quickly is amazing!! Thank you all! I'm mostly writing this for fun so I hope this second chapter lives up to your expectations. Kids are hard to write lol.

It was early in the morning and the sun was coming up over the trees. Not many cars or people were out that early in the morning, so Dream had the street to himself as he made his way over to the rendezvous point he, Sapnap, and George agreed on before they went to Philza’s house.

Dream was a little nervous for this first meeting. He heard about Philza. He was one of Sapnap’s neighbors who they would see sometimes when they were playing outside as kids. Dream never imagined he would have kids, although he never really knew Philza. Philza was always leaving the house and coming back from work so he seemed too busy for kids, but apparently not.

Anyway, Dream was walking to the rendezvous point, which was Sapnap’s house. As he reached the house, he could see Sapnap sitting on the front step with George, who had his bike leaning up against the porch. They were going through a small black bag when George looked up over his big goggles and spotted Dream.

“Dream!” He yelled, waving his arms. Sapnap turned his head to the direction George was looking and waved to Dream as well, a big grin on his face. Dream turned his walk into a jog in order to reach them faster. When he reached the porch, Sapnap and George stood up and gave him a hug in greeting. 

“Hey guys! What’s with the bag?” Dream asked, gesturing to the discarded bag on the steps. 

“That’s just a few things my mom thought would be useful. I was showing George but here,” Sapnap grabbed the bag and began to dig through it, pulling out a few items. One was a notepad which had various phone numbers for emergency contacts, a small towel, a few diapers, and a bag of cookies.

“Cookies?” Dream asked, intrigued. Sapnap snapped his fingers at Dream.

“Uh uh,” he reprimanded, “My mom made them for the kids!”

“The kids don’t need to know there were cookies,” George grinned devilishly, eyeing the bag. Sapnap threw them in the bag and zipped the tie closed.

“No! We need these for bribes,” Sapnap insisted and threw the bag over his shoulder, “Now, let’s go. We have to be there early to give a good first impression!”

“This is so weird,” George said as they began walking to Philza’s house, “Sapnap is never early.”

“He wants money so bad,” Dream began, “He is starting to abandon his morals,” George laughed and Sapnap scoffed.

“Whatever Dream,” Sapnap said, “Bad would be very proud of me right now,” He skipped over the cracks in the sidewalk, flinging the bag back and forth wildly. Dream narrowly avoided getting smacked with it.

“Bad is a nerd,” Dream rebutted, George gasped, “It’s true!” Dream insisted.

“Bad may be a nerd, but he is our nerd,” George said with mock sincerity, putting a hand over his heart dramatically. Sapnap turned around to face them.

“Don’t mock dad!” He said defensively, “I’m gonna tell him you called him a name!”

“Don’t you dare!” Dream gasped. George giggled.

“I will!” Sapnap said like a toddler who just got some juicy blackmail on their older sibling, “And I wont specify what name,” he smirked.

“You wouldn't,” Dream said, matter-of-factly. He faltered a bit as Sapnap jumped over the next sidewalk crack and onto the path that lead to the porch steps of Philza’s house, “R-right?” he asked uncertainly. 

“I wont,” Sapnap declared, “Unless?”

Dream swatted at him and Sapnap started laughing and ran to the porch steps, George following at his heels. Dream jogged to catch up with them as Sapnap rang the doorbell. After a few moments of waiting, no one answered. The three exchanged a glance at each other and rang it again. No answer again.

“Is this the right house?” George asked Sapnap, who was looking nervous.

“Yes,” he answered, pulling out his phone, “Philza should be here…”

Before Dream could get a word in, they heard a click of the door being unlocked, and saw the door swing open. The person to open the door was not an adult, however, but a small child, no more than 6 years old. He had a maroon beanie over his curly brown hair and was wearing a warm yellow sweater. He stared wide eyed at the dream team, who stared back. Dream felt awkward.

“Uh…” George was the first one to break the ice, “H-hi? Are you Philza Minecraft?”

“I’m six,” The kid said, holding up 5 fingers. Sapnap told him that was only five, and the kid looked at his fingers before holding up a sixth finger.

“Uh… does Philza live here?” Dream asked. Oh god this is so hard just talking to a child. How was he supposed to take care of one, much less two more? The kid, to his relief, nodded.

“Philza is my dad,” the kid said. Dream wanted to rip his hair out. This was the most dry conversation he’s ever had. Where is Philza? Sapnap cleared his throat.

“Where is Philza?” he asked the kid, who was looking at each of them with interest.

“Are you the new babysitter?” he asked. Dream wanted to punch a wall. ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!!

“Yes!” Sapnap said brightly, though Dream could tell that Sapnap was secretly getting a little ticked, “We need to talk to him! Where is he?” he asked again.

“Oh,” the kid looked behind him, “I’m Wilbur. Phil is in the bathroom. Tommy pooped,” Dream felt George hold back a laugh beside him. Sapnap smirked. They were so immature.

“Who is Tommy?” Dream asked. He stiffened as Wilbur turned his attention to him.

“Tommy is the baby,” He said, “He poops sometimes.”

“I figured,” Dream scratched the back of his neck, “Uh… can we come inside and wait?”

Wilbur pondered this for a moment, before nodding. The three boys walked inside to a small entry hallway with beige walls and a brown rug over the hardwood floor. There was a small coat hanging compartment with shoes and coats for different ages. Wilbur led them to one of the doorways which opened up to a living room with a couple gray couches, a TV, and lots of toddler toys. On one side of the TV, there was a small toddler table with lots of crayons and paper. Wilbur went over and began to color on a piece of paper while a show on Disney Jr played on the TV. Dream, George, and Sapnap stood there awkwardly.

“What do we do?” Dream whispered to Sapnap, who was sweating bullets.

“I don’t know,” Sapnap fiddled with the bag he was holding. 

The three of them stood there for what felt like ages before a tall middle aged man with blonde hair appeared in a doorway facing the couch. He had a small blonde angry looking child in his arms and a little kid with pink hair at his side. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the three boys in his living room.

“How did you get in my house?” Philza asked, wide eyed. The pink haired kid ducked behind his legs. The three stared at him in silence for a moment before both Dream and George shoved Sapnap.

“Uh-” he stuttered, looking to his friends before looking back at Philza, “W-Wilbur let us in!”

Philza sighed as the baby he was holding began to squirm, wanting to be let down. Philza walked over to the carpet near where Wilbur was and set him down, the pink haired child followed. The baby immediately flopped over and began to crawl over to where Wilbur was. “Wil,” Philza said, “What did I tell you about answering the door?”

Wilbur giggled, “Don’t do it?”

“Yeah,” Philza sighed, “You’re lucky it was the babysitters and not some random guy,” Philza finally walked over to the three boys who were anxiously waiting in the same spot. He smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Philza, sorry about that.”

Sapnap took his hand and shook it, “It’s Sapnap, thank you for hiring us!” Dream and George also shook his hand, introducing themselves. Philza laughed.

“Thank you for coming,” Philza began, “My old babysitters cancelled on me, something about their interpersonal drama causing their group to break up and stop babysitting. I hope this doesn't happen again…” he paused, “You all aren't dating each other are you?”

Dream, Sapnap, and George went silent, “I mean, that's what happened last time! I think...” Philza said quickly.

“No, none of us are dating each other…” Dream confirmed. Sapnap wriggled his eyebrows at Dream. Not now Sapnap, Dream glared at him.

“Not that it’s a bad thing,” Philza coughed, “It’s just… yeah,” he trailed off, “Anyway, come meet the kids, I have to leave soon.” 

Philza led them to the middle of the room and invited them to sit down on the couch. He nodded for his kids to come over. Wilbur walked over, followed by the timid kid with pink hair, and the baby slowly made his way over, crawling.

“Kids, these are the new babysitters,” Philza introduced them, “It’s Dream, George, and Sapnap. Say hi!”

“Hi!” Wilbur greeted cheerfully.

“Hi…” the pink haired kid greeted.

“HELLOW!” the baby yelled.

“I’m Wilbur!” Wilbur said, again, even though they already knew it, “This is Techno,” he pointed to the pink haired kid, who was staring at the floor, “That’s Tommy, he is a baby and can’t speak lots of words.”

“NO!!” Tommy yelled defiantly, “BIG!!” Wilbur turned and looked down at him, crossing his arms.

“You’re not big, you’re small,” Wilbur said, matter-of-factly. Tommy started screaming. Dream looked over at George and Sapnap who were looking more nervous. Maybe Sapnap had a good idea with those cookies.

“Hey! Wil, Tommy, stop,” Philza demanded. They stopped and turned to Philza. Wilbur smiled, but Tommy furrowed his eyebrows angrily. “Sorry,” Phil smiled at the boys, “Tommy doesn't like being called small. It’s a toddler thing…” 

After Phil gave them his number for emergencies he advised them on the children. If Tommy was fussy, you could play one of the records on the record player and he would fall asleep. Techno would only eat something if you told him there were potatoes in it. Wilbur is mostly independent but he does need to be watched because he has a strange obsession with fire. Dream was feeling overwhelmed already. What if Tommy won’t sleep? What if Techno doesn't believe there are potatoes and doesn't eat? What if Wilbur gets a hold of a lighter? As he watched Philza leave the house, he wished he had never agreed to look after his children.

Dream turned from the doorway to see Sapnap on the couch with George who was trying to talk to Techno with Tommy sitting next to him, gnawing on a cookie Sapnap must have given him. Wilbur was still coloring at the table. Dream walked over and sat with them.

“I’m George,” George said softly, “You don’t have to be afraid of us, Techno, we’re here to be your friends while Phil is away!”

“I’m not scared,” Techno said quietly. Techno looked like a very professional five year old with a collared shirt and dress pants. The only thing distracting from this look was the big plastic crown.

“Then why are you so quiet?” George asked sweetly. George was really good at this. Dream found himself soothed by George’s tone of voice, even though he was the same age as him and not the recipient of George’s words.

“I’m not,” Techno said, looking into George’s eyes, “This is how I talk.”

“Really?” George asked. Techno nodded. “Well, we’re here to be your friends so if you feel bad, say something, okay?” Techno nodded again. 

“Techno is very tough!” Wilbur called from the table, “He is the best at all the games! He could beat you up!”

“I don’t know about that,” Dream said cockily, “I’m sure I could win in a fight against Techno…”

“Well duh,” Techno said, with a challenging look in his eyes, a new confidence when he looked at Dream, “You’re like 50…”

Dream wanted to scream. Sapnap and George started dying on the couch next to them. Techno smirked and kept eye contact with Dream, putting his hands on his hips. Where did this change in personality come from? Tommy reacted to the laughter by cackling fiercely, getting dribble and smushed chocolate all over his red shirt. Wilbur giggled. Dream sighed, it’s going to be a long day.


	3. taking care of children is hard (emotional) (not clickbait)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we have to take care of the kids! Theyre each special in their own way <3 NO what is this a mommy blog? These little brats are chaotic af

-Sapnap-

Okay… Kids. How do we deal with kids? Sapnap wondered, looking around the room at the three wild children. Tommy was smashing two blocks together while Wilbur continued drawing at the small table. Techno was sitting in the corner with a small stuffed pig, for some reason giving Dream a strange calculating look. Sapnap sat with George and Dream on the couch still. George seemed to be in a trance, watching the mind-numbing show on the TV. Something about a mouse with a clubhouse. Dream was also watching it, but not paying attention. Sapnap could tell he felt the glare of Techno burning into his skull.

“Why does he keep looking at me?” Dream asked, quickly glancing at the pink-haired child.

“I don’t know,” George replied absentmindedly. “It’s been about thirty minutes so far and none of them have cried yet. This is easy!”

“Shut up George!” Sapnap whispered, “Now you’ve jinxed it! Knock on wood!”

“Oh please,” George scoffed, “That’s not how real life works…”

“Knock on wood!”

“No, that’s stupid!”

“Guys,” Dream interjected, “How are we going to do this? We need a plan or something.”

“Well, Phil won’t be home till like three,” Sapnap checked his phone, “And we have to watch them until then. Right now it’s… 8am…” The black haired man let out a breath.

“Maybe we were too ambitious for our first job,” George let out a nervous chuckle. Sapnap guessed he regretted not knocking on that wood.

Dream nodded, only his exposed eyes giving away his discomfort as Techno continued to stare at him. Tommy began singing an off-key version of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” while Wilbur looked on fondly. 

“Maybe…” Sapnap thought for a moment, an evil idea playing into his mind as he focused on each individual child, “We each take responsibility for one of the kids… There’s three of us and three of them.”

“That’s a good idea, Sapnap!” George said, “Who will watch who though?”

“I call Wilbur!” Sapnap claimed the quiet child quickly. Dream and George gaped at him.

“Hey that’s not fair!” Dream protested, “Why do you get the quiet one?”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Sapnap sniffed, “Who came up with this whole idea in the first place?”

“Then I get Tommy,” George claimed the small baby, “Techno scares me.”

“What!?” Dream exclaimed, “You’re not the one he’s staring down!” George shrugged.

“Snooze you lose,” George taunted him.

“I know you did not just say that,” Dream’s jaw was covered with a white fashion mask, but his eyes gave away his distaste.

“Whatever,” Sapnap cut in, “It’s decided. Let’s go and get paid!”

They each went over to their respective kid. Sapnap crouched near Wilbur as the boy continued coloring. Looking at his paper, Sapnap introduced himself.

“Hey Wilbur!” Sapnap smiled, “I’m Sapnap. I’m gonna watch you today, okay?”

“Okay,” Wilbur looked up, “But I already know you.”

“Uh,” Sapnap chuckled, “I know but I just wanted to make sure!”

“Okay,” Wilbur continued drawing on the paper. On closer inspection, Sapnap saw he was using a lot of blue. It looked like a person among tall city buildings.

“What are you drawing?” Sapnap asked.

“The city,” Wilbur said, “Philza says it gave me my assma.”

“...Oh…” Sapnap didn’t know how to respond to that. “Do you mean asthma?”

“Yeah,” Wilbur nodded, “Do you wanna draw too?”

“Sure!” Sapnap ‘sat’ in one of the tiny toddler chairs, His knees came up to his chest. It was not the most comfortable position to sit in. Wilbur handed him a piece of paper and a dark blue marker. Sapnap started drawing. He drew a stick figure person with big arms.

“What is that?” Wilbur asked, confused.

“It’s me!” Sapnap said, “See my big muscles?”

Wilbur shook his head, “It looks nothing like you.” Damn.

Sapnap quickly scribbled a bandanna on his drawing and held it up, “Is that more recognizable?”

“Your arms aren’t that big,” Wilbur went back to his depressing asthma drawing. Sapnap’s pride was wounded.

“Says the kid who’s drawing the origin story of his asthma…” Sapnap retorted.

“My drawing tells a story,” Wilbur pointed out, adding a thick cloud of gray smoke. He pointed to Sapnap’s paper with the tip of his marker, “Your’s just makes you look like you have a big head.”

“No!” Sapnap exclaimed, “I have big arms!”

“No,” Wilbur shook his head, “Where’s the story? Every good drawing tells a story. That’s what my dad Philza says.”

“Everyone’s a critic…” Sapnap sighed. 

“I don’t know what that means…” Wilbur shrugged, “Try adding a conflict or a motivation. Here let me do it,” Wilbur grabbed Sapnap’s paper and began to draw on it.

“You know what those words mean?” Sapnap asked, dumbfounded. After a few scribbles, Wilbur handed back the paper. Next to the, frankly amazing, drawing of buff Sapnap, was two new characters who were hugging. One was purple and one had a blue hat. 

“The story here is that guy,” Wilbur pointed to the blue hat guy, “Is stealing your boyfriend,” he points to the purple guy. Sapnap started laughing.

“What?!” He exclaimed in amusement, “I don’t have a boyfriend!”

“You also don’t have big muscles,” Wilbur pointed out. Sapnap grabbed his chest with his hand dramatically. Damn this kid. 

“Why is it a boyfriend?” Sapnap asked.

“I dunno,” Wilbur shrugged.

“That would never happen in real life,” Sapnap chuckled.

“Next in the story,” Wilbur grabbed another piece of paper, “The purple guy and Sapnap go on a date, but the blue hat guy shows up.” He drew another picture of purple guy and the drawn Sapnap (missing his muscles) at a table. The blue hat guy it off to the side. “Oh no!” Wilbur exclaimed, “He’s crashing the date!”

“Oh no!” Sapnap grew invested in the story now. What would drawn Sapnap do? Without his muscles no less!

“Stop!” Wilbur yelled out, “The purple guy yells at you guys. He doesn't want to choose! He loves you both! You all decide to be a poll-knee-am-auraus!”

“What the hell?” Sapnap laughed, “Now this definitely would never happen…”

“It could!” Wilbur exclaimed! “And you start a new country called Mexico!”

“Mexico already exists,” Sapnap pointed out.

Wilbur made eye contact with Sapnap, his eyes wide, “Because of you and your poll-knee-am-auraus…”

Sapnap gasped.

“That was fun,” Wilbur said, “Let’s make a new story.”

“You like making stories, huh?” Sapnap guessed.

“Yes,” Wilbur confirmed, pulling out another sheet of paper. “I like music stories. Like when Dad Philza puts on Disney movies. He put on a really good one about a man named Hamton.”

“You mean Hamilton?” Sapnap asked.

“Sure,” Wilbur grabbed an orange marker. “Let’s make a new story.”

-George-

“Okay,” George looked down at Tommy, who was now looking up at him with angry eyebrows. He was squatting in front of the baby, “Maybe I shouldn’t have chosen the one who is fully dependent…”

“HELLO!” Tommy yelled, causing George to blink back at him.

“Hey,” George tugged at his sweater sleeve awkwardly, “So… uh… What do you want to do?” Tommy stared back at him. Great idea, George. Ask the toddler complex questions.

“HENRY!” Tommy grabbed a small stuffed cow and shoved it in George’s face. George blinked.

“Is that your cow?” George asked.

“HENRY! YES!” Tommy replied, holding the cow.

“He’s cute,” George replied without any particular emotion. God this was so awkward. How did he interact with someone who didn’t understand half of what he was saying?

“YEAHHHH!” Tommy agreed. He staggered over to a bin and dragged it over. The bin was filled with blocks. The blocks had the alphabet on them and he dumped them on the floor. 

“Why did you go and do that?” George asked, picking up one of the blocks. 

“HENRY HOUSE,” Tommy answered.

“A house for Henry?” George guessed. When Tommy answered with another “YEAHHHH” George sat down on the floor with crossed legs, “Do I help?”

Tommy thought for a moment, then he looked into George with his big baby eyes, “NO HAHAHAHAHAHA,” He began stacking the blocks. George stared at Tommy. Dumbfounded.

“Uhhh,” George shrugged, “Okay…” He watched as Tommy began stacking blocks into a sort of square that was open on the top. When he was finished, he placed Henry in the square. Tommy looked pleased.

“BIG HOUSE,” He declared.

“Certainly,” George looked over at Sapnap, who seemed to actually be having fun with Wilbur. Fuck Sapnap.

“TECHNO!” 

George was startled as Techno came racing toward them and kicked over the house. Dream followed shortly after him. They raced out of the room. When George looked back, Tommy’s house was destroyed. Tommy looked at it in shock. Then his brows furrowed and he began shaking. Oh no.

Tommy started crying, letting out loud wails that hurt George’s ears. Henry the cow didn’t seem to be as upset as Tommy that his house was destroyed. George didn’t know what to do to console Tommy. He tried to grab a block to rebuild it but Tommy smacked his hand away. Sapnap looked over, and George met his eyes with a pleading look.

“What do I do?” George’s eyes were wide with desperation.

“I- I don’t know,” Sapnap looked at the crying Tommy in panic. Wilbur was staring from his position opposite of Sapnap with a calm look on his face.

“Take him to the nursery and play the purple circle,” Wilbur suggested, “That’s what Dad Phil does to calm him down.”

“The purple circle?” Sapnap asked, confused.

“The music disc!” George sat upright. He turned to Tommy. “Do you want the music disc? Wanna go listen to it?”

Tommy stopped his wailing and started sniffling repeatedly. He nodded a few times and George scooped him up in his arms to take him to the nursery.

“Make sure it’s the purple one,” Wilbur reminded George, “And don’t forget Henry. Now, I need to get back to telling Sapnap’s wedding with his two boyfriends.”

“Sapnap’s what with his what?” George asked, caught off guard. Sapnap’s face went red and he waved his hands to signal George to move along. Normally, George would have pressed further, but Tommy was about to explode again, so he bent down to pick up Henry and walked into the entry hallway and went up the stairs. This led to an upstairs hallway with multiple doors. After looking into a few, he found the one that was Tommy’s room. It had a small red toddler bed on the left side. There was a window with a window seat, an armchair opposite of the bed, and multiple boxes full of toys. Near the chair was a dresser which has a record player on it with two records. George set Tommy down on the chair and put in the purple music disc which began playing. George then grabbed Tommy, sat in the window seat, and looked out the window to listen to the music while Tommy’s crying slowly died in his arms. After a while of the song playing, George looked down to see Tommy asleep, cradling Henry in his arms. George smiled softly. “You’re a big man,” George whispered. Then, he looked back out the window to the cloudy autumn day and soon fell asleep himself. 

-Dream-

Oh god. Oh fuck. Why did Dream have to watch this one? He stared down Techno as Techno stared him down. This kid couldn’t even look at him an hour ago! Why was he suddenly plotting Dream’s demise now?

“So…” Dream started to engage, “Do you wanna do anything?”

Techno continued staring at him, glaring over his crown and stroking the small pig plush he held.

“Watch a movie?”

Silence.

“Play with your toys?”

Silence.

“Stare at me some more?” Dream grew a little angry, and threw his arms out, “What, you think I’m pretty or something?”

“Why are you wearing a mask on your face?” Techno asked.

“What kind of question is that?” Dream asked, self-consciously touching the white mask he wore over his jaw. “I just think it looks cool.”

“It’s boring,” Techno challenged him. Dream felt his chest burn with rage.

“So, who cares?” Dream exclaimed, indignant. “It’s my fashion choice!”

“Fashion is a funny word to describe it,” Techno smirked. What is with this kid? Dream clenched his fist.

“You have big talk for a small kid,” Dream spat. Techno put down the small pig plush and grabbed a small stick. He looked up at Dream, adjusted his crown, and grinned. 

“That’s why I get in trouble at school,” Techno reached up and yanked the mask off of Dream’s face. Dream stepped back, startled and nearly fell on his butt. Techno then began to run toward the door.

“TECHNO!” Dream shouted. Techno ran over George and Tommy, knocking away Tommy’s blocks. Dream raced after him out of the room. Techno ran into the kitchen and grabbed a big black marker off the top of the counter. The kitchen had an island in the middle which stood between Dream and Techno. Dream was about to go around it when he stopped frozen, as Techno uncapped the marker and held it up to the mask.

“Come closer,” Techno glared, “or the fashion choice gets it.”

“What the hell!?” Dream growled, “Why are you such a brat?”

“Tsk,” Techno frowned, “Name-calling. As I expected,”

“Look,” Dream tried to calm down. This was a kid. He could manipulate him into getting what he wanted, “Why don’t you just give me the mask, and I can get Sapnap to give you another cookie! You like cookies right?”

“There’s no potato in cookies,” Techno pointed out, “Besides, you can’t tell me what to do!”

“Uh,” Dream began, “Yes I can! I’m the boss of you until your dad gets home!”

“I don’t have bosses,” Techno pushed the marker closer. “Not you, not the other guys, or the old babysitters. Bosses are bossy and are always bad!” 

Bosses are bossy. That’s redundant, Dream thought. He shook his head. This kid was frustrating him so much. He needed discipline.

“I’ll call your dad if you continue to act up,” Dream threatened. This caused Techno to freeze, but this quickly passed.

“You're just like the teachers,” Techno said, “You always tattle.” Techno quickly scribbled a smiley face on the white mask. Dream felt his stomach drop.

“NO!” Dream yelled out, “You fucking brat!” He reached over the island and snatched the mask out of Techno’s hands. He looked down at it and sighed, frustrated.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Techno frowned, “No one can…”

“I’m not trying to!” Dream glared up at Techno, pure rage in his eyes. “What is wrong with you!?”

“People who tell you what to do are always unfair!” Techno stood his ground, “They never listen to me and force me to do things! You won't be one of them!”

Dream looked up at Techno, “What?”

Techno looked down at his feet. Dream thought about all the times that he got in trouble as a kid for unfair reasons. How adults would always tell him what to do and never listened to him either. Dream sighed. The kid was going through something.

“Are teachers at school being unfair to you?”

Techno looked up at Dream, surprised. Dream’s eyes softened as he looked at Techno. Techno’s eyes started watering and he nodded. Dream nodded his head in sympathy.

“They did that to me, too,” Dream began, looking down at his vandalized mask. “It was really unfair. They made me do things even though it wasn’t helpful and wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to tell them. Does that happen to you?”

Techno sniffed and nodded his head. He started crying and Dream went to the other side of the counter and hugged him. Techno held onto Dream tightly and let out a few sobs.

“No one understands me,” Techno shivered, “They think I’m doing it on purpose,”

“I know,” Dream sympathized, “That’s how it’s like for me.”

“I didn’t know it was other people,” Techno sniffed, “I thought I was alone.”

“You’re never alone,” Dream consoled him. Techno pushed Dream away from him and he wiped his tears from his eyes. He looked at Dream’s bright green hoodie which also had tear stains. His face grew red with embarrassment.

“You might have ADHD,” Dream suggested, “It’s where your brain is different and you can’t focus.”

“I do have that,” Techno confirmed, “Why can’t my brain be normal?”

“Hey,” Dream put his hand on Techno’s shoulder, “Your brain is amazing. Normal is stupid! Heck, no one is normal! Take my buddy George! He has what you would consider a “normal” brain, but he can’t see a lot of colors! Like green! He can’t see green!”

“He can’t?” Techno asked, mystified.

“Yeah!” Dream smiled, his mask still off so it was noticeable, “And my buddy Sapnap, well, he’s just weird so maybe there is something different about his head.” Techno giggled. ‘

“The point is,” Dream continued, “you should never be upset with how your brain works. However, you can try to do things to help you. Do you know what fidget toys are?” Techno nodded.

“I have a few of them but I’ve never used them…” Techno admitted. 

“Those are great for focus,” Dream informed him, “Come on. Show me where they are and I can show you!”

“They’re in my room…” Techno looked upstairs.

“Let’s go then!” Dream smiled, putting on the mask, “We’ll have to be quiet though. I think your brother, Tommy, is napping now. We kind of knocked over his blocks.”

“I do that all the time,” Techno shrugged. Dream laughed.

“You’re a little anarchist,” Dream smiled, holding out his hand for Techno to take. “Let’s go find the fidget toys!”

Techno hesitated before grabbing Dream’s hand. They walked together to the stairway.

“What’s an anarchist?” Techno asked, as they headed quietly up the stairs.

-Sapnap-

Phew… 

Sapnap didn’t know how his friends did it, but they were able to calm down their respective children and now they were all at the table eating lunch. Wilbur and Tommy had PB&J sandwiches while Techno was eating a baked potato. Dream insisted he find and make one for him. Wilbur wasn’t too bad of a kid to watch. He mostly just drew Sapnap in stories with his imaginary boyfriends. The kid was really creative. 

Tommy had peanut butter and jelly smeared all over his face and hands. He practically shoved the sandwich into his mouth. George held out his hands to reach and grab the sandwich from him. “Slow down, Tommy,” He began. Tommy swatted his hands away.

“NO GOGY!” He reprimanded.

George, Sapnap, and Dream looked at Tommy in surprise. Sapnap and Dream started laughing while George’s face grew red. Wilbur and Techno exchanged an amused glance.

“Gogy?” Dream and Sapnap chorused. George glared at each of them in turn. 

“He probably can’t say it! He’s a baby!” George pointed out, not liking his new nickname. Techno shook his head from the other side of the table.

“No he definitely can,” He corrected, “He can say my full name, watch.” He turned to his little brother, “Hey Tommy, who am I?”

Tommy smiled and wiped peanut butter on Techno’s nose, “TECHNOBLADE,”

“Technoblade?” Sapnap asked, “Sick!”

“Yeah,” Wilbur took another bite out of his sandwich, “Dad Philza said he was drunk when he named Techno,”

“Oh,” Sapnap’s eyes widened. Why are kids so blunt?

“So he can say it, he just won't?” George exclaimed in outrage. Techno nodded.

“What’s the matter, Gogy?” Sapnap teased, “Don’t like your new nickname? Gogy, Gogy, Gogy~” He poked George’s arm repeatedly. George’s face was bright red and he smacked Sapnap’s hands away.

“Shut up, Sapnap,” George’s face lit up and he gained a malicious twinkle in his eye. He then said something that made Sapnap’s heart stop. “What’s this about you having two boyfriends?”

“WHAT?” Dream exclaimed, spitting out his water. Techno looked with a blank expression on his face while Tommy started cackling. (He was chanting, “GREEN GREEN GREEN BOY”) Wilbur’s eyes lit up and he quickly stood.

“Let me show you the pictures!!” Wilbur raced out of the kitchen to grab his drawings. Sapnap put his head in his hands. This is so embarrassing. Wilbur came back in and showed the first (and superior) drawing Sapnap did with his buff arms.

“Okay,” Wilbur held up the drawings for George and Dream to see. Sapnap couldn’t look them in the eyes as Wilbur told the story about how he had two boyfriends and they all went on dates and got married. After Wilbur was done, Dream and George were silent. Sapnap couldn’t tell if that was worse than them saying anything.

Now they’re laughing. George patted Sapnap on the back. “Wow Sapnap,” George said, “You really know how to get some good looking ones. I might have to steal blue hat away from you!”

“Shut up…” Sapnap groaned.

“George!” Dream began, mock offended, putting his hand on his chest, “You would cheat on me like that?”

“UH OH,” Tommy said, shoving more sandwich in his face, smushing the contents in his tiny fist like he was watching a drama. Techno ate his potato in silence while Wilbur’s face shone with happiness at the idea that they liked his story.

“Never, Dream!” George denied, “You’re the only one for me.”

“Barf,” Techno inputted, causing Tommy to snicker.

“You really liked it?” Wilbur put down the papers, “You liked the story?”

“We really did,” Dream smirked. Sapnap wanted to disappear.

“Maybe you can be in the next story, Dream!” Wilbur spoke excitedly. “Maybe you can try to get rid of Mexico.”

“Uh,” Dream sweated nervously, “I don’t know if I’d get rid of Mexico…”

“It’s just a story,” George said, “you won't be cancelled.”  
“Oh, it’s just a story when Dream gets rid of Mexico but it’s not when my character is in a polyamorus relationship,” Sapnap snapped at them. George patted his friend on the back.

“I’m playing with you, Sapnap,” George consoled, “And even if you were in a polyamorus relationship I would support you. At least you’re not like Bad with his sugar daddy.”

“GEORGE!” Dream smacked his british friend on the side, hard. “What did I tell you?”

“What’s a sugar daddy?” Wilbur asked. Techno looked on with interest while Tommy leaned on every word. George grew nervous.

“Uh…” George’s face grew red again. “It’s…. Uh… a man… who gives you lots of money.”

“WHY ARE YOU TELLING THEM?’ Sapnap hissed at George.

“I DON'T KNOW,” George replied.

“But!” Dream interjected, “You have to do bad crimes for the man for him to give you money!” He lied, “Our friend Badboyhalo does NOT have one!”

Leave it to Dream for a quick recovery. Sapnap didn’t agree with all of his statements though. There was no way Bad got so much money just for having a really good friend. He kept his mouth shut. George nodded in confirmation. The kids seemed satisfied with the answer, all but Tommy, who squinted.

“Anyway, eat your lunch,” Sapnap encouraged them. They continued to eat their sandwiches (and potato). Sapnap sighed. Three more hours to go.

-George-

“GOGY GOGY GOGY GOGY.”

George listened to Tommy as he marched around with Henry dragging behind him, chanting the word Gogy over and over again. They had built Henry another house and done some baby stuff. Now he was just marching along, singing the stupid nickname.

“Can you get him to quiet down?” Dream asked, playing with a fidget toy that Techno had while he and Techno watched a show on TV. Techno seemed unbothered and just raised the volume on the TV. Wilbur was drawing another story with Sapnap in the corner. This one George could kind of hear and so far, Sapnap, purple guy, and blue hat guy were trying to save Mexico from Dream. 

“I can’t,” George sighed. “He’s too much. I’m exhausted…”

Dream frowned. “Well, we can watch him together from here. Come sit with us,” He patted to the space beside him on the couch. George stood up and walked over to his new spot on the couch and plopped down. He leaned his head on Dream’s shoulder while Dream put his arm around George. Dream was such a good friend.

“What’s with your mask?” George asked. Dream touched it self-consciously. It had a big smiley face drawn on it with black sharpie. Techno shifted beside him uncomfortably. 

“Techno drew on it,” Dream said. “The kid is an anarchist…”

“I learned what that meant today,” Techno said, smiling, munching on potato chips, “I am one of those.” George laughed.

“Well you can get a new one with the money we earn today,” George replied.

“Actually,” Dream said, “It’s growing on me. I might keep it.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Dream confirmed. “Look, Tommy is helping Wilbur with the Sapnap Boyfriends Saga.”

Tommy was at the coloring table where he was scribbling on a piece of paper, Henry at his side. Wilbur was looking at his brother’s piece critically and nodding. 

“Interesting…” Wilbur looked from the paper to Tommy, “So, you think a big storm should come in the middle of battle and distract Sapnap, purple guy, and blue hat guy from Dream, causing him to gain an advantage and capture some of the Mexican land!” Tommy blinked up at his brother.

“BIG!” Tommy drew a smiley face on the squiggle, “BIG MAN! ME!”

Wilbur nodded, “Yes! And you’re there too, helping Dream!” Wilbur grabbed a marker and began to work. Sapnap squinted at the paper, confused, but nodding.

“I can’t believe Wilbur can get all of that from a single drawing,” George shook his head.

“Or all of this from Sapnap,” Dream snickered.

“Sapnap is very inspirational to me!” George retorted.

Suddenly, a knock was sounded at the door, causing everyone to pause their activities. George got up from the couch and answered the door. He opened it to see Philza Minecraft standing there.

“I’m back!” He called into the house.

“PHILZA!!” The kids exclaimed, and ran to the door, knocking George out of the way. They embraced Phil and Tommy waddled past George.

“Gogy,” he regarded him. Then he screamed until Phil picked him up.

Ugh… Gogy.

-Dream-

“Thank you guys again for helping me,” Phil stood talking to the Dream Team at the door while the kids played in the living room. “I didn’t know what to do when the old guys quit!”

“It was not problem!” Sapnap smiled, “They weren’t any trouble at all!”

“Except for Techno,” George remarked. Phil frowned and Dream looked to George.

“What did Techno do?” Phil asked

“He was a problem in the beginning. He gave Dream a hard time,” George said. Dream felt odd as Phil looked at him with a serious ‘same old same old’ expression.

“Is this true?”

Dream didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it was true. But, Techno was dealing with bottled up emotions. Emotions that Dream sympathized with. Did Phil know he was bottling these emotions up? 

“Uh” Dream began, “Technically, yes, but,” He interjected before Phil could say anything else, “Techno told me something…” Phil looked at Dream in shock. Dream glimpsed behind Phil to see Techno listening, hiding behind the wall.

“Techno told me that teachers at school haven’t been listening or accommodating his ADHD properly,” Dream explained, “I think this made him resentful and caused him to act out. I don’t know why he didn’t tell you but he told me it upset him. I have ADHD too so I understand how he feels. I was wondering if you could, like, talk to his teachers about that and maybe have him bring those fidget toys I found in his room to school and maybe that will help?” He chuckled nervously. “I mean, obviously he’s your son so you know best but-”

“Thank you,” Philza said. Dream look at Philza in surprise. “Techno doesn't like to show weakness so he would never have told me. I appreciate you listening to him.” Dream nodded.

“Well, next time I see him hopefully it’s better,” Dream stated.

“Next time?” Sapnap smiled, “So you’re gonna keep doing this with us?”

“Yeah!” Dream smiled, “I guess I am!”

“Oh my god,” Phil sighed in relief, “Thank god. When can you guys come back?”

“Whenever you need us!” Sapnap confirmed. 

“How about the same time next Saturday?” Philza asked, hopefully. Dream and the rest of the team exchanged a glance and nodded.

“Great!” Sapnap confirmed. “Dream Team babysitting business has its first regular!”

“Here’s your money,” Phil handed them each a few bills. Dream held it in his hands, eyes shining. Money… what he came here for. He looked up at Techno, who was looking on nervously. Dream smiled at him. 

“BYE GOGY” Tommy called from the other room. Despite George’s angry groan, everyone burst out laughing. Money was what he came here for, but it won’t be the reason he stays.


	4. bad influences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team has to pick Tommy up from daycare! They couldn't possibly mess something up in the, what, 2 hours they have to watch him? You underestimate their capabilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so so sorry for not updating in so long! I've been feeling super uninspired and, well, depressed af. I couldn't rake up any motivation to work on this story AT ALL!!! I hope to update more in the future, but I can't promise it :( Just so you know though, youre comments and kudos kept me thinking about this. Sorry if this isn't as long or as good as the other chapters. Like I said i've been feeling rough. I hope you enjoy it though!

Dream slammed his locker door shut and walked to the lunch room. It was Wednesday afternoon and he was already tired of the week. He couldn’t wait to just go home and play some video games. Right outside the lunchroom, he was met by George.

“Hey Dream!” his friend greeted him, “Do you know what’s for lunch today?”

Dream scoffed, “Nothing good probably,” The lunches at school have gotten worse and worse it seemed. However, he and George each grabbed a tray and began to walk to the line. Sapnap came up to them and dragged them over to the table before they could reach it, however. 

“Sapnap what the hell?” George snatched his hand from their bandanna-wearing friend’s grasp. Sapnap grinned at them.

“Bad got us McDonalds for lunch!” Sapnap smirked, “No shit cafeteria food for today!”

Dream perked up at this. McDonalds sounded so much better than the cafeteria food. George dropped the tray on the floor and grabbed Sapnap’s hand.

“Then take me,” George looked into Sapnap’s eyes intensely.

“Wow,” Sapnap tugged at his collar, “You hungry for Mcnuggets, Gogy?” George dropped Sapnap’s hand with a look of disgust.

“What the fuck,” George stormed off toward the table, leaving behind Sapnap and Dream, who was wheezing.

When they all caught up with George at the table, Bad was dividing the food to the four spots he and his friends sat. Looking up, he smiled at them and gestured to the spread before him.

“Dig in!” Bad invited them to eat. Dream sat down and took in what Bad had given him. There was a burger with a large fry and large coke. George looked like an angel was singing in his ear and Sapnap began tearing into his food immediately. Bad was happily sipping on his coke and texting on his phone. Dream grabbed the burger and took a bite. Heaven.

“Bad,” Dream asked after a few more bites, “Where did you get this from?”

“Skeppy asked me if I wanted Ubereats so he got us McDonalds delivered,” Bad grinned the special grin he got whenever he talked about ‘Skeppy’. “He was happy to buy for you all, too.” Dream smiled and expressed how wonderful that was and glared at George and Sapnap, daring them to say anything. They each focused on their meals, not meeting his gaze. 

After a while of eating, Dream felt a glob of sauce drip down on his sweatshirt. He cursed and grabbed at his sweatshirt to examine the stain. 

“Oh no, I’m sorry Dream!” Bad exclaimed, “The Ubereats guy didn’t give us napkins!”

“Don’t worry,” Sapnap proudly stood and held a heroic pose, “I’ll go get some!”

Sapnap walked over to the lunch line to grab a few napkins from the booth that held plastic silverware and condiments. Meanwhile, George teased Dream for his new sweatshirt spot while Bad consoled him. Sapnap grabbed a handful of napkins and began making his way back to the table. When he was within eyesight of his friends, he waved the napkins in the air, causing Bad to cheer. 

Before he could reach the table, George called out to him, but it was too late. Dream watched as Sapnap stepped on the tray George dropped earlier. He watched as his friend - almost comically - slipped on the tray like it was a banana peel in a cartoon, and fell backwards. Bad covered his eyes and George winced. Dream cringed, but then stopped when he saw someone catch his friend. Sapnap looked winded as the strange kid helped him to his feet and laughed. The kid had a color patch sweater that mostly featured purple. Sapnap chuckled and accepted his handshake. His face was red and he quickly walked back to the table when his savior waved goodbye and walked off.

“Sapnap are you okay?” Bad asked as Sapnap shoved the napkins in Dream’s direction.

“Y-yeah,” Sapnap’s face was still red and he focused his gaze on his burger. Dream began dabbing at the sauce on his sweatshirt and frowned when he realized it had stained. “Goddamn it, George, why did you drop that fucking tray?”

“Language!” Bad reprimanded him. Sapnap glared at him. Dream had never seen Sapnap so flustered before.

“Hey!” George looked hurt, “I didn’t know you would trip on it!”

“Whatever!” Dream frowned, “The napkins didn’t work anyway…” Dream began to take off his sweatshirt to put in his locker later.

“So it was for nothing!” Sapnap threw his hands in the air, “I embarrassed myself for nothing!”

“Why are you so upset?” Dream asked, tying his sweatshirt around his waist. “Stuff like that happens to you a lot.”

“It’s because he got saved this time by Prince Charming,” George joked. Sapnap gripped his burger tightly, “Wait, Sapnap what’s wrong? I was just joking…”

“It-” Sapnap sighed, and put down his burger. Bad put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know… It’s just... that kid was weird…”

“What did he say to you?” Dream asked, glancing back over to where the stranger appeared. He saw the back of his purple hoodie poking behind a pole which blocked Dream’s view of the kid. The kid seemed friendly but he could have said something that made Sapnap uncomfortable.

“He said, ‘Are you okay?’ I said, ‘Yeah’, he then said his name was Karl and I said my name was Sapnap then he told me to be more careful and walked off… I don’t know why I’m so dumb right now,” Sapnap held his head in his hands. 

“His sweatshirt was purple,” Bad said, earning a look from his friends, “What?”

“Yes Bad,” Dream nodded, talking to Bad like he was a toddler, “very good!”

“No, muffin,” Bad swatted at Dream from across the table, “Maybe it reminded you of the character that Wilbur made your husband. You said it was purple right?” Sapnap went silent and Dream started laughing.

“Bad it was a purple stick figure,” Dream said, “How can it remind anyone of anything?”

“It was just a suggestion,” Bad went back to texting, sheepishly.

The rest of lunch went by normally, if not a little awkwardly. As they were cleaning up their trash, Sapnap’s phone started ringing.

“Oh!” Sapnap smiled, “It’s Philza!” He answered the call and greeted the man on the other end of the line. He talked with Phil for a few moments, nodding and saying “Yes sir!” before finally hanging up.

“What does Philza need?” Dream asked, slightly shivering since his arms were now exposed. 

“He was wondering if we were available to pick up Tommy from daycare today since they’re ending a few hours earlier than normal,” Sapnap said, “I agreed to come but I said that you guys may or may not come. We won’t get paid as much since it's only for a couple hours but you guys should come because you love me?” Sapnap looked at them pleadingly. 

And they did. Dream could tell that Sapnap felt shaken after the incident at lunch, so he went to keep him company. George joined them as well. Bad came along to drive them to the Obsidian Daycare where Tommy was playing in the playground out front with a few other small kids. A nice lady was watching them. 

“Who’s going to go get him?” Dream asked.

“Me,” Sapnap said, pulling out his ID, “Phil let the daycare know who I am.” Sapnap got out of the car and walked to the area where the lady was sitting. He greeted other parents as they walked past with their kid, who gave him strange looks. When he reached the lady, Tommy spotted him and screamed. After showing the lady his ID, Tommy was collected from the playground and, waving goodbye to his friends, was carried to Bad’s car.

“Tommy’s here!” Sapnap smiled, holding up the small child, who had on a red shirt and a small bee backpack. 

“YEAHHHHHHHH” Tommy confirmed. 

“Uh,” Bad began nervously, “I just realized I don’t have a carseat…”

“WHAT,” Tommy yelled.

“Oh, this is Bad, Tommy,” Sapnap introduced. “I guess I can just hold him while you drive.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?” Bad fretted. Sapnap rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on don’t be such a bitch, Bad…” 

“LANGUAGE!” Bad exclaimed. Dream wheezed and George giggled.

“Yeah, what a bitch,” Dream repeated, “He’ll be fine!”

“LANGUAGE!” Bad turned around to face Dream in the backseat. “Come on!”

“Bitchboyhalo,” George giggled, earning another “LANGUAGE” from Bad.

“Language all of you!” Bad threw his hands on the steering wheel in frustration. 

“What, Bad?” Dream giggled from the backseat, “Don’t like your new name?”

“YEAHHHH BITCH!”

The car went silent. They turned to the small toddler in Sapnap’s laugh, who was giggling hysterically. 

“BITCH!” Tommy repeated, “BITCH BITCH BITCHBOY!”

“LANGUAGE!!” Bad turned to Sapnap, malice in his eyes, “Look what you did!”

“Me?” Sapnap’s eyes widened, “I-it wasn’t just me!!” 

“You started it!” George retaliated while Bad glared in his direction.

“You did it too!” He slammed his hands on the steering wheel, “I can’t believe you muffinheads! DREAM STOP GIGGLING!”

Dream writhed in his seat, trying to stifle the laughter. This seemed to encourage Tommy who let out another chorus of “Bitches” while Bad screamed in the driver’s seat. Dream let out a wheeze of laughter and slammed his hand on the side door. This caused Tommy to laugh even more.

“Uh guys we should probably take him home,” Sapnap suggested, glancing around, “A few parents are giving me the...look.”

Dream looked out the window to see a few moms and dad giving the car a side glance. He hoped they were doing that because of their volume and not because they could actually hear what they're saying.

“Sapnap just please get in the car,” Bad let out in defeat, resting his head on the steering wheel. Sapnap took his place in the passenger seat and shut the door. Tommy let out another “Bitch” as Bad started the car and drove out of the parking lot.

Bad dropped them off at Philza’s house, reprimanding them for their language again before driving off to leave them with the mess they created. Inside the house, Tommy began to build with blocks in the living room while the three babysitters sat on the couch in dread.

“What do we do?” Sapnap put a hand on his forehead, “If he drops a B-bomb when Phil is here we’re done. Out of a job.” 

“I don’t know, but maybe he wouldn't find it as funny if DREAM didn’t act like he was a COMEDIAN whenever he did it!” George jabbed Dream in the chest, causing Dream to let out a grunt.

“It’s funny!” Dream insisted, throwing up his hands, “But… inappropriate…”

“Yeah,” Sapnap spat, “Now we have to do damage control.”

“How do we make him unlearn an entire word in…” George checked his phone for the time, “One hour…” 

Sapnap groaned, “That’s impossible!”

Dream got off the couch and settled next to Tommy who regarded him with a “Ugh” and then kept building. Dream looked back at Sapnap and George who shrugged.

“Uhhh hey Tommy!” Dream smiled, “Whatya building?”

“HOUSE” Tommy replied, “BIG HOUSE FOR BITCH” He points at Dream. 

“M-ME?” Dream was caught off guard. He put a hand to his chest, offended at the audacity.

“YEAHHH BITCH!” Tommy laughed, “YOU'RE A BITCH. NO HOUSE.”

Dream looked down at the blocks, “I have a house!”

“NOOOOO,” Tommy retorted. Dream heard snickering and saw George covering his face.

“Now look who’s laughing,” Dream scowled. He turned to Tommy again and put on his best ‘Am Talking To Child’ voice.

“Hey Tommy,” Dream started, “Bitch is a very very bad word. It is not very nice at all. If you say it you get put in time out! Now it’s okay because you didn’t know, but you can’t say it anymore, okay?” 

Tommy looked at Dream with big eyes, nodded, then went back to his tower. Dream smiled and looked over at Sapnap and George, who had their mouths agape.

“Wow,” Sapnap said, “You actually did it!”

“That took no time at all,” George readjusted his position on the couch to cross his legs, “What were we so worried about?”

“Yeah,” Dream said, “You have me! I’m so cool.” Tommy laughed at this, causing Dream to whip his head toward the toddler. “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?”

“Because that was so untrue it’s hysterical,” George retorted. Sapnap laughed as Dream took his place back on the couch, shoving George to the side to make more room.

“Whatever,” Dream spat, “Tommy do you want to watch Mickey Mouse?”

“YEAHHHHH,” Tommy confirmed, and Mickey’s face appeared on the TV. Tommy grabbed Henry and put him in the small block square he made, “HENRY HOUSE NOW.”

“You're still homeless, Dream,” Sapnap patted him on the shoulder in sympathy. Dream scoffed.

“Whatever.”

An hour passed, and Mickey was still singing on the TV. Sapnap was on his phone and George and Dream were ready to tear out their eyeballs and ears. Tommy seemed to be the only one enjoying it.

“Phil should be home soon,” Sapnap said, causing Dream and George to dissolve into half-hearted cheers.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” George sighed while Dream nodded in agreement, “Maybe I can just turn it down…” George grabbed the remote and began to turn down the volume. Tommy swung his head toward George.

“NOOOO BITCH!” He exclaimed. George dropped the remote. Dream and Sapnap sat up with a jolt.

“I thought he stopped saying it!” Dream shouted in disbelief.

“ARGH I knew it!” Sapnap put his head in his hands, “It’s never that easy! Never!”

“Phil will be here any-” George was interrupted by the jingling sound of keys in the doorway.

“Uh oh,” The three exchanged a glance of terror and ‘It was nice knowing you’ and ‘goodbye money’.

Philza strode into the living room, spreading his arms wide, “Tommy! I’m home!”

“PHIL!!” Tommy stood up and waddled over to Phil, who scooped him up.

“How’s my big man!?” Phil asked, “Did you have a good day at school today?”

“NO.”

“Haha,” Phil laughed, “Figures,” He looked over to the three nervous teens on the couch, “Hey thanks for doing that on such short notice guys, I really appreciate it.”

“No problem!” Sapnap stood quickly, Dream and George doing so as well. “Uh… we have something to tell you though…”

“What’s wrong now?” Phil asked, worried, “Did something happen at school?”

“Uhh,” Sapnap looked to Dream and George, who looked around nervously.

“My god,” Phil face palmed, “Let me see the report.”

“Wh-what report?” Sapnap asked, confused.

“The daycare report,” Phil answered, looking around, “They always give me one in his backpack. Ah, there it is,” Phil opened the small bee backpack which was left discarded on the floor near the blocks, and grabbed a piece of paper. He began to scan it while Tommy pouted in his arms.

“Oh well I didn’t know about that,” Sapnap blinked, “But uh that’s not what we-”

“Christ,” Phil interrupted, “You were swearing at school AGAIN Tommy?” He glared at Tommy, who frowned at him.

“YEAH BITCH,” He retorted, causing Phil to sigh.

“Jesus Christ Tommy!” Phil shoved the paper into his pocket, “You’ve done it every day this week!”

“Wait…” George started, “What? You mean we didn’t teach him that word?”

“What? No!” Phil looked at them, laughing slightly, “He learned that from me!”

The three babysitters sat there in shock before sighing with relief. Philza started laughing hysterically.

“I swear all the fucking time!” Phil exclaimed, “He’s learned way worse words from me!”

“FUCK! SHIT! MOTHAFOCKA” Tommy chimed in. Phil looked at him unamused.

“I didn’t need you to list examples,” Phil groaned. Tommy laughed.

“So we keep our job?” Sapnap asked hopefully.

“Yeah!” Phil rolled his eyes, “Christ I wouldn’t fire you for that my god. I need babysitters so fucking bad.”

“Thank you Phil,” Sapnap smiled with relief.

“Yeah yeah,” Phil waved off the boy’s sincerity. “Well you kids should head home. I’ll see you all Saturday?”

“Of course!” Sapnap nodded enthusiastically.

“Tell Wilbur and Techno we said hi!” Dream waved as he and his friends walked to the door. 

“I will! Take care! Don’t die on my lawn. I'm legally responsible if you do!” Phil waved as George shut the door behind them. Phil watched the door for a second before turning to Tommy.

“Lets clean up a bit and go get your brothers,” Phil suggested, “Bitch.”

“LANGUAGE!” Tommy reprimanded him, causing Phil’s eyes to widen in surprise.

“Woah,” Phil tilted his head in confusion, “Who taught you that one?”


End file.
